I've been pretty emotional lately.  With so much family and friend support I had been, for some reason,  feeling very alone. Maybe depression or something along those lines. Don't get me wrong, I feel the love still from everyone. I just have difficulty making important decisions.  AND in the middle of all this my step father passed away after months of suffering.

I blog to let you all know how and what I am going thru and what I am feeling. I am in pain 24/7!! And that is probably how it is going to be from now on.  I have developed a new sharp stomach pain, that really limits what I can eat.

After ending up in the hospital at my last chemo treatment, I and my family have been feeling ignored by my oncologist.... appointments taking three months to get, no plan at all for further treatment.... etc etc.  After MUCH loving encouragement from my family I made an appointment with my Primary Care Dr.

That appointment took place yesterday. My sister Jill and my Mom came with me. I made a huge list of things to talk to him about. He addressed them all.  I am very glad we got him involved in my health care. He uped my pain meds.  He will be calling Dr. Dekker and helping me with him, staying more involved in my treatment.

I have had a huge hospital bill outstanding since March. There were problems with it because my insurance messed up and didn't credit some of the deductible that had already been met. My health insurance FINALLY paid the amount they owed and I just received news that I qualified to have the rest of the bill written off.  Good things like that don't normally happen to me.....i'm happily overwhelmed.

So, I don't know what happens from here....I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid of suffering (I admit i'm a wimp).. I also don't want to be a burden on anyone. But enough downer talk. I feel very blessed today. I have a friend named Caren that is taking me to the Getty this Saturday. And I may be going to a birthday party at Castaic Lake on Sunday.

So, until next time .....love and light.
Joni